


Drunk On Love - Asianfanfics

by SenshineKkaebsong



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Romance, SuBaek, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:48:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24745588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SenshineKkaebsong/pseuds/SenshineKkaebsong
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Junmyeon | Suho
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	Drunk On Love - Asianfanfics

The first time they meet isn't exactly ideal. Junmyeon's shit-faced, the taste of an excruciatingly sweet and suspiciously colourful alcoholic drink sticking to the back of his throat as he stumbles into the bathroom that reeks of stale piss and vomit. The heavy bass of the club's electronic music is buffered by the closed door but somehow Junmyeon still feels the vibrations rattling his bones or maybe it's the sheer energy and arousal coursing through him - he's inevitably too wasted to decipher. He barely has time to right himself as his foot skids in a puddle of unidentifiable liquid on the grimy floor before insistent hands are tugging him into a stall and slamming the door shut. It's much worse in here, he belatedly thinks, but at least the toilet bowl itself is miraculously clean. The man before him has a glazed look in his eyes, his hunger for Junmyeon shining through, and lips swollen from the heated kiss they'd shared on the dance floor mere moments ago. Want suddenly flares up in the pit of Junmyeon's stomach and he grabs onto the front of the man's shirt, pulling him in and crashing their lips together.

_Baekhyun_ , said man whispers between their slick tongues. It curls around Junmyeon's ear and settles over his pounding heart. Such a pretty name. His hands grope at the firm ass clothed in deep-washed skin-tight jeans, drawing Baekhyun into him, their crotches slotting together almost painfully.

Junmyeon's no stranger to these ridiculous rendezvous. Sleazy clubs and bars are often frequented by his kind - industrious single men with successful careers and a paycheck that can sustain at least two. More often than not, he finds himself in the arms of strangers, names and faces he can't possibly care to remember, a way to pass time without the commitment he cannot offer. It's easier this way, he tells himself, when the silence of his spacious apartment becomes painful, but Junmyeon knows can't go on this way forever.

“Are you spacing out on me?” Baekhyun's voice is heavy, breath hot against his neck. He nips at the skin he'd been sucking on and Junmyeon hisses, effectively being pulled from his thoughts.

“Sorry,” He mutters breathlessly, hand reaching between them to cup at Baekhyun's crotch. The man is hard, the bulge of his member deliciously firm against Junmyeon's fingers. Baekhyun whines low in his throat and shudders, weight falling on Junmyeon and pushing him back against the door. It rattles loudly which should be alarming but he's far too enraptured by the tiny mewl that buries itself deep in the recesses of his mind, a sound that he knows will haunt him for an eternity. Junmyeon presses the heel of his palm deeper, allows Baekhyun to rock into it with jerky, uncoordinated thrusts, long, thin fingers grabbing onto the material of his expensive shirt.

It's good but he knows it's nowhere near what Baekhyun needs to get off. Just a little longer, he thinks, the exasperated grunts being pulled from Baekhyun's throat sending shivers up his spine. His own cock is already hard, embarrassingly so, but he pays no heed to it, tunnel vision zeroing in on the mop of sweaty black hair bleeding into his hazy vision. Junmyeon wonders how long he can drag this out for, pulling back his hand just when Baekhyun's movements are on the cusp of desperation, and then slowly teasing the length of his cock with the gentle scrape of his nails over the denim.

He finally pulls away completely when he feels a solid enough punch delivered to his chest. He smirks smugly when Baekhyun lifts his head off his shoulder, thin lips chewed red with frustration and pulled into a frown. “Stop fucking around.” He snarls.

The response that Junmyeon has dies in his throat when Baekhyun suddenly reaches for his belt and unbuckles it swiftly. It must be the countless drinks he's had that has his coordination fucked up. Time seems to grind to a static pace as he watches the male sink to his knees, needy hands tugging down his slacks and boxers to his mid-thighs. The way Baekhyun eyes his cock when it springs free, heavy and red, has something potent hitting his gut with such force that he stumbles back into the door. By some miracle, the shifty lock hasn't broken and the hinges are still intact but Junmyeon doesn't even care if it gives away. He won't stop. He just _can't_.

“Jesus.” He whispers, shuddering when hot fingers wrap around his shaft, giving it an experimental pump. It gives him a heady rush, Baekhyun beneath him like this, this mere stranger whose name he now knows and will never forget, hungrily eyeing him and ready to please. He nods, granting silent permission and Baekhyun scurries onto his heels, giving himself a stable position to feed the dick into his mouth.

“Fuck.” Junmyeon chokes, breathing harshly through his nose. At this point, the pungent bathroom odour is drowned out by Baekhyun's muted cologne now clinging to his shirt and the memory of sweat and strawberry shampoo from those black curls of hair. It's the feeling of the thin lips pulling him in like Baekhyun is sucking his very soul out of his dick, flat, wet tongue dragging over the underside and curling around the head. But more importantly, it's the sight of his cock disappearing between said lips, Baekhyun's eyes lidded and wide all at once, his free hand digging into Junmyeon's thigh.

Something about this feels different. The exhilaration of sex is surging through his body but it's laced with a much stronger emotion he's unable to detect in his currently murky mind. His hips rock forward and Baekhyun takes it all like the champ he is, like he was born to suck cock or maybe just Junmyeon's.

Junmyeon secures a hand in Baekhyun's damp hair, tugs on it and gasps audibly when he hears the muffled, almost choking cry that makes it past the man's throat. He does it over and over, committing the image of Baekhyun shoving a hand into his jeans and jerking himself off frantically to memory.

He can feel the heat spreading through him, the burning in his gut climbing high into his chest, his breath hitching and his moans bouncing off the tiled walls as he fucks into Baekhyun's mouth, the other’s throat squeezing around the blunt, sensitive head of his member. His toes curl inside his pricey black loafers and he barely suppresses the whimper that's torn from his throat. “I'm gonna come.” He warns, trying to push Baekhyun off him. He's drunk but he hasn't lost his courtesy. He wouldn't even come on Baekhyun's face, far less in his mouth.

He receives a disgruntled whine in return as his hand is slapped away and pinned down by the wrist. Baekhyun doesn't stop. There's a challenging gleam in his eyes and all it takes is the gentle press of teeth to the swollen tip before he's coming down Baekhyun's throat with an embarrassingly high-pitched cry, knees giving out almost completely. Junmyeon slumps back against the door, the world spinning before him and shudders from oversensitivity when his softening cock slips out of Baekhyun’s mouth, sticky and wet. Peeling his eyes open, he peers down just as he fucking swallows, and wrinkles his nose in disgust.

“Why the fuck did you do that?” He hisses, voice rough, the post-sex haze finally clearing and mild panic setting in. Baekhyun arches a brow and reaches over for the toilet paper, only to find there's no roll in the holder. He curses and wipes his hand against the wall of the stall, managing to get most of his spunk off. Junmyeon hadn't even known when Baekhyun came, too wrapped up in chasing his orgasm. He feels a little guilty but shakes it off with the remembrance that this means nothing, he doesn't owe a mind-blowing experience to Baekhyun or a promise to take care of him sexually. Still, a tiny part of his brain tells him that he wants to.

Baekhyun finally stands on unsteady legs and fixes himself, zipping his fly and pulling down the transparent, black top he’s wearing. Junmyeon's eyes follow the taunting glint of metal beneath the sheer material and licks his lips, immediately remembering what had attracted him to the man in the first place - the juxtaposition of cold metal and warm flesh over his tongue. He shudders, his limp cock giving an experimental jump, and quickly fixes himself, knowing he's past the age where he can get it up again in such a short space of time. His hungry gaze doesn't go unnoticed though and Baekhyun snorts softly. “What's wrong with swallowing?” He counters hoarsely, finally wiping the spit from the corners of his mouth and chin.

“I'm a stranger.” Junmyeon returns tersely. He has his terms and conditions and this is one of them. It feels a little too intimate to trust someone enough to swallow their come.

Baekhyun laughs and it's wrecked. It must be the pounding his throat took. Again, guilt seeps into Junmyeon's arrogant little chest and this time, makes a home for itself. Under the dull yellow lighting of the stall, Junmyeon can see the shame emitting from Baekhyun, a jarring contrast from his sultry, hypnotising aura on the dancefloor. “I guess that means it'll be stupid to ask for one last kiss.”

_One last kiss_. Junmyeon snorts at the incredulity of the statement. Now that he's mostly sober and fully sated, it dawns on him how strange this entire occurrence had been from the moment his eyes fell on Baekhyun's frame on the dance floor bathed in purple light. His stomach twists a little and he swallows hard, the contemplation between walking away or indulging Baekhyun fading away to a dull buzz somewhere in the recesses of his mind when his gaze is dragged to the tiny beauty mark just above the other's lip. Before he can right himself, his thumb brushes over it, fingers stretching to cradle his chin gently and pull him in.

The last thing he sees is the surprise reflected in Baekhyun's orbs before their lips meet with the softest, sweetest pressure and everything else slips away. Junmyeon feels like he's falling, the ground beneath him having decayed and he's now plunging thousands of feet to his death. Baekhyun's arms come to wrap around him and he's sure he reciprocates the action though he isn't so certain of what he's sure of anymore. His heart thunders like rapid-fire in his chest, aimed directly at the man before him who regards him with a gentle quirk of his thin, shiny lips and sleepy, warm eyes when they finally part. It all feels absurdly domestic in the rightest way, something Junmyeon has never before experienced. Baekhyun noses along his cheek, still boneless in his arms and chuckles. "I never got your name."

In a flash of pure unguardedness, he envisions cosy Saturday afternoons, munching on pizza and sipping beers, and tiring weeknights with warm showers and lazy embraces. Baekhyun's eyes are locked on him, studying his expression carefully but Junmyeon's long become a master at blanketing his emotions. This though, this is entirely new. "Junmyeon Kim." He mutters, throat tight.

“Junmyeon.” Baekhyun parrots, a blinding smile gracing his face. “Baekhyun Byun.” He then adds by means of a formal introduction, holding out a hand, ironically the one he'd jacked himself off with. Junmyeon eyes the aforementioned hand sceptically and regrets it thoroughly when he takes it and feels drying come slip between his fingers.

“Gross.” He hisses, jerking away and drawing a naughty snicker from the other. Baekhyun’s eyes shine with mischievous glee, bottom lip wedged between his teeth to quell the smirk curling at the corners of his lips and Junmyeon can’t even be angry or disgusted. Not when he has a sight like this to behold

“Come home with me, Baekhyun.” He states rather than suggests, astonishing both himself and said man. It’s another one of the many firsts with Baekhyun so far, this stranger that has somehow wormed his way into Junmyeon’s caged persona.

Baekhyun's eyes widen and he inhales sharply, shoulders sagging when he expels the air through his mouth. “I thought you'd never ask, _Junmyeon_.” The way he says his name makes his heart soar and lurch dangerously in his chest and he clears his throat to avoid choking on his saliva.  
  
  


The shrill sound of the buzzer rings throughout the apartment when Baekhyun’s got two fingers buried to the hilt in Junmyeon’s ass, his slick tongue expertly swirling between the digits and pressing against his walls. They’ve been at it for about ten minutes now and had it not been for those long, pretty fingers firmly secured at the base of Junmyeon’s aching, throbbing cock, he’d have already come as high as heaven itself. “Please.” He gasps, a sob spilling past his lips. The foreplay is torturous but he enjoys it, pale legs quivering with pent up frustration. No doubt Baekhyun’s basking in dragging this out.

Junmyeon registers the buzzer the second time it’s pressed but pays no heed to it. Baekhyun lifts his head from between Junmyeon’s legs with a shadow of a smirk ghosting his spit-slicked lips. "You have company." He sings.

"Yes. It's my fucking orgasm." He grits, gasping when the hand around his cock twists, giving him a haphazard pump.

"Why are you so high strung today?" The younger mutters, fingers slowly sliding out. Junmyeon chases after them, his ass cheeks now pressing against Baekhyun's knee, a desperate string of 'nonononono, don’t stop' leaving his lips. The fingers slide up his shaft, precome dribbling from the head of Junmyeon's swollen cock making it smooth and swift. A finger dips into the slit, the pad of his thumb teasing it and Junmyeon exhales through his nose, back arching off the bed. _So close_. He's so fucking _close_. Again, the buzzer sounds but Baekhyun continues stroking him leisurely like they have all the time in the world.

"Bad week." He mutters feebly, eyes screwed shut. It really had been a terrible week. The company that hired him and his team to do a financial audit recorded third-quarter losses and decidedly dumped the blame on Junmyeon's team for incompetence and errors in calculations he knew they did not make. Junmyeon's boss had to hire a lawyer and serve a preaction protocol letter before the company finally relented and paid for the services rendered to them with an abysmal apology. Worse yet, he hadn't seen Baekhyun all week, not even for a casual dinner date, and their nightly calls were so stilted due to his frustration and exhaustion that he always ended them not even fifteen minutes into their talks.

It seems to do the trick. Baekhyun miraculously takes pity on him. It takes just a few quick pumps, Baekhyun lightly sucking on the head of Junmyeon's cock before he's coming so hard his vision goes white for a solid ten seconds, white noise filling his eardrums and chest burning so hard that he thinks his heart may have been ripped from its cavity. By the time he peels open his eyes, Baekhyun's already gliding a cool, damp washcloth between his legs and over his stomach to clear the come and lube while glancing at him worriedly.

"I'm alive." He rasps, flashing a lazy smile up at the younger. "Just barely."

"Good," Baekhyun responds, tossing Junmyeon's previously discarded sweatpants onto his lap. "Because you still have company." And he's right. The buzzer is now frantically going off at ten-second intervals. With a strained groan, Junmyeon drags himself up, dresses and pads into the living room, already knowing who the cockblocking culprit is.

"Jesus, hyung! You're alive! Goddammit, everyone thought you died or like threw yourself off a building or some shit. You weren't answering your calls and Kyungsoo almost cried. Can you believe- _wait_ , what the fuck is that? _All of that?_ " Chanyeol stops mid-rant and gestures wildly, mouth agape and eyes wide as Junmyeon faces him, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. None of his coworkers know about Baekhyun. It's not that he hadn't wanted to tell them, but something about the younger seemed too good to be true. This happiness, their easy-going relationship, the way they just fit perfectly together in every imaginable way, and Baekhyun himself - he just needed to make sure this was serious. That Baekhyun is as serious about him as he is with the man. It's been two months now though, and he reckons it's time.

"What's _what?_ " Junmyeon humours him innocently, arching a brow. He knows exactly how he looks to Chanyeol, sporting sex-mussed hair and bite marks along his neck and chest.

Chanyeol has the audacity to turn red and coughs awkwardly, looking down at his shoes. "I-um, I just wanted to make sure you're okay." He mumbles childishly.

"Well, I am." Junmyeon smiles, stifling his laughter. "Would you like to come in?"

"Yeah… sure." His coworker agrees softly, toeing off his shoes in the front entrance. Baekhyun's fully dressed and sprawled out on the couch, elbow-deep in a family-sized bag of Doritos, the corners of his mouth and fingers (that had been in Junmyeon's ass minutes ago) covered in bright orange cheese dust. He's already taken care of himself by the looks of it and the smile that he gives Chanyeol when the man finally notices him and gasps loudly is adorable, to say the least.

"Hyung, oh my God. There's someone here. _In your house_." Chanyeol whispers, turning to Junmyeon cautiously. "What's going on?"

"Please tell me this isn't the genius, Kyungsoo, because if it is, I'll have to say I'm quite disappointed in your standards of intelligence." Baekhyun chirps from the couch, all orange-toothed smiles when Chanyeol pouts at him. Junmyeon's left a little off-kilter by Chanyeol's outburst before the realisation hits him. He'd completely forgotten that he never brought his hookups home. It was another level of intimacy he was not willing to cross. Going to their place was manageable but Junmyeon valued his own home. It was sacred and only a handful of people were welcomed - his friends, his parents, and now Baekhyun.

"I'm Baekhyun. Junmyeon's boyfriend." Baekhyun waves and Chanyeol's mouth falls even wider. Junmyeon can actually see his fillings which is worrisome because he's one hundred per cent certain only snakes can unhinge their jaws. Chanyeol looks like he could swallow an entire fucking alligator.

"You have a _boyfriend?_ " He gasps, turning to Junmyeon. “Does Kyungsoo know? Oh my god, when did this happen?”

Junmyeon scratches his head and huffs out a laugh. “About two months ago. And no, I haven’t told Kyungsoo but I’m sure he has an inkling. He’s weird like that.”

“Oh my god,” Chanyeol mutters for the millionth time in the couple of minutes they’ve been talking. “You have to bring him out with us.”

Baekhyun turns to face him now, arching a brow and Junmyeon looks back at him with a soft smile. His coworkers will love Baekhyun and he’s not just saying that because he’s biased. Junmyeon knows Baekhyun’s fashion sense will definitely appeal to Qian and his almost terrifying knowledge of stocks would impress Kris. Maybe even Kyungsoo will grow to like him once he gets past Baekhyun’s mischievous eyes and snark.

“Sure.” He replies and pretends he doesn’t go weak in the knees when Baekhyun returns his smile.

  
  
  
  


Junmyeon distinctly remembers the California sand between his toes and the cold ocean waves rushing past his ankles. He can close his eyes and see the pier strung up with lights, the ferris wheel going and people lazily milling about in the afternoon breeze saturated with the smell of popcorn, sea, and artificial meatiness of hotdogs wafting all the way down to the shore. Most of all, he sees Baekhyun's blinding smile, thin lips stretched widely and hand warm in Junmyeon's as he pulls him close and whispers into his ear. The last rays of light get caught in the tendrils of Baekhyun's ebony locks blowing in the wind and trickle down over the planes of his face, contouring his features even more but softening his cheeks, highlighting the bows of his lips and glow of his skin. Junmyeon had felt it then too, the undeniable tug on his heart towards the man.

“You're spacing out on me again,” Kyungsoo states, kicking his shin lightly beneath the table. Junmyeon blinks and licks his lips, stabbing the salad before him and shovelling a forkful of feta, olives and cucumber drizzled in olive oil and seasoned with salt and pepper into his mouth. Kyungsoo's staring at him, clearly unimpressed, his lips pulled into his signature frown, wine glass held delicately between his thick fingers.

“I met someone.” Junmyeon reveals once he's swallowed.

Kyungsoo simply raises a brow. “I'm grossly offended that you underestimate my ability as your best friend to read you. And also the fact that Chanyeol is the living, breathing version of Gossip Girl. I've already figured out as much. Details, please.”

Junmyeon fights the smile threatening to break free but it's futile. Kyungsoo is, well, unapologetically Kyungsoo and Junmyeon loves it down to his odd expressions of endearment and affection. “His name is Baekhyun Byun.”

“A Korean? Do you have some sort of radar for finding gay Korean men in Cali? I swear, it's ridiculous.” Kyungsoo snorts in amusement, sipping on his wine.

Junmyeon chuckles airily. “It really is strange.” He's had a taste of everything California has to offer but his attraction has always leaned more toward his Asian counterparts, and though he rarely stumbles across South Koreans on any given day, they seemed to always find him in the dark corners of bars and between smoke-filled spaces in clubs. Like moths to a flame.

“So, this Baekhyun… what's he like?”

Junmyeon doesn't know how to describe how Baekhyun is so uniquely himself. How he feels like the only solid thing in Junmyeon's life. How he can be unpredictable and impulsive, sometimes overly excited, but other times sober and contemplative and wise beyond his years. “He's different.” He settles for a casual shrug.

“Obviously, or else he wouldn't have captured your attention for this long.” Kyungsoo's observation has Junmyeon sitting up in his seat a little even though he's already perfectly poised, back straight, shoulders squared and legs crossed under the table.

“How long have you known?”

“A little over two months maybe?” Kyungsoo guesses. That's close enough. He and Baekhyun have been going out for close to three months. He motions for the waiter to bring out their espressos. It's almost time to head back to the office. “You should bring him out for drinks with us Friday. Introduce him to the guys. If he's as charming as you think he is then he'll definitely get along with the others.”

“Please.” Junmyeon snorts. “That's a very tacky excuse just to scope him out yourself. You're more creative than that.”

“It's my job to look out for you. I'm happy that you've finally settled but I need to make sure it's with the right person, hyung.” Kyungsoo switches to Korean, a testament to his sincerity.

Sometimes Junmyeon thinks he doesn't deserve someone who loves him the way Kyungsoo does. “This Friday?”

Kyungsoo nods. “This Friday. How are you doing otherwise?”

Junmyeon knows exactly what his friend is talking about and swallows hard, gripping his slacks beneath the table. “I’m fine. It’s weird how good I feel about it, about us. I’m sort of waiting for the shoe to drop, honestly.” He admits guiltily, frown plastered on his face. “But sometimes I forget about my worries and fears just enjoy being with him.”

He lifts his gaze from the tablecloth, realising he’d dropped it while speaking. Kyungsoo’s staring at him pensively. “If you’re okay, then I’m okay.” He finally replies, words measured. “But if you feel like you need help, tell me. We’ll do it together.”

Junmyeon wants to smile but the words make him feel sick to his stomach instead. He grimaces and nods stiffly.

  
  
  
  


“Hey,” Junmyeon calls later that afternoon just as Baekhyun’s about to rush out the door. They don’t usually meet up on weeknights, Baekhyun being almost as consumed by his work as Junmyeon is, but the younger had forgotten his USB when he was over during the weekend and he needs it for tomorrow. The earlier conversation with Kyungsoo hasn’t left him, nor has the fear sticking to his ribs. He’s been doing a mighty job at hiding it though, Baekhyun blissfully unaware of his inner turmoil.

Baekhyun halts and turns to him. “Yeah?”

“Clear your schedule Friday night. We’re going to Flower Garden for dinner with my friends.”

Baekhyun grins, eyes widening in pleasant surprise. “Sounds great. I'll see you Friday.” He presses a quick kiss to Junmyeon's lips and leaves, USB safely secured in the pocket of his slacks and maybe a piece of Junmyeon's heart as well.

  
  
  


“I don't think you can sue someone over a non-refundable potty trainer. Remind me why you even have a potty trainer?” Baekhyun's face twists in mild confusion and Kyungsoo snorts into his drink when Krystal bristles.

“Jessica thought it was one of those gel polish curing machines with UV light. Fucking retard didn't read the title that said _MINI_. _ANIMAL. POTTY. TRAINER._ Gosh, now I need to punch her in her stupid face all over again.” Krystal growls.

Joohyun rolls her eyes. “Calm down. You're going to throw a hissy fit and embarrass us all in front of Junmyeon's boyfriend.”

“Who even invented an animal potty trainer anyway?” Chanyeol pipes in from where he's sitting at her side, an arm curled around Joohyun’s delicate frame, fingers tracing idle patterns over her shoulder and sometimes getting tangled in the tresses of auburn waves falling down her back.

“I've never felt more at home, honestly.” Baekhyun shrugs with an easy smile and Junmyeon's heart swells, reaching for Baekhyun's thigh and letting his palm settle on it, giving it a gentle squeeze. He doesn't meet the younger's questioning glance but allows Baekhyun to lace their fingers beneath the table.

“I like him.” Kyungsoo speaks up, eyes trained on Baekhyun over his beer bottle.

“Of course you do. I'm quite a catch.” He winks and smirks salaciously at Kyungsoo, prompting the other man to scoff.

“I take it back, he's disgusting.” He says to Junmyeon in irritation despite the slight curl of his lips in amusement.

Qian tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and grins at Baekhyun and Junmyeon. “You know, back in high school, I thought you’d have been the first in our group to settle down. You were such a sap.” Beside her, Kris makes a noise of agreement. “Now, here you are. Pretty much the last.” Her smile is softer now but Junmyeon reads the emotions in her eyes. The love they once shared is still there - it’s just different. “I’m really happy for you, Myeon.”

“Thanks.” He responds softly. Junmyeon’s chest hurts. It’s difficult to call to memory the bitter trills of the past, of denying himself the love he deserved and pretending to be someone he wasn’t, when he’s surrounded by nothing but love and support from the people who matter the most.

Junmyeon takes his time to unravel Baekhyun when they finally call it a night. Like a carefully wrapped present with fragile contents, his fingers glide slowly and gently over his skin, lips leaving the softest, sweetest caresses and hips rocking unhurriedly and hard, dragging his cock inside his lover to convey his passionate intent.

Baekhyun doesn’t close his eyes, even when Junmyeon’s name rolls off his tongue like a prayer, hurried and desperate, fingers sinking into his skin and tears rolling down the corners of his eyes. And Junmyeon knows it then more than he’s ever known it before - he loves this man. Loves him harder and more than he has ever loved or ever will love anyone or anything. And it terrifies him.

  
  
  
Autumn is an ugly season in California. It’s chilly despite the sun beating down and the landscape is horrendously scarred and parched from the intensity of summer. Everything is brown and decaying while being simultaneously cold and hot and Junmyeon never knows how to dress, what to wear, because he’ll end up being uncomfortable anyway which will inevitably sour his mood.

Beside him, Baekhyun’s adjusting his light coat and combing back his now auburn hair, only to have it fall into his eyes again. “You need a haircut.” Junmyeon comments, meeting his lover’s eyes in the mirror.

“I thought you loved playing with my hair.” Baekhyun smirks, finally deciding on a middle part.

“I do but I also love your eyes and I’d rather you keep your sight than go blind because your hair keeps sticking you.” He reaches out and twirls the soft strands between his fingers. Baekhyun smiles up at him and leans into the touch. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Can we wait a little longer? Kyungsoo will be mad if we’re late.” Baekhyun’s grin turns sinister and Junmyeon rolls his eyes.

“I’ll never understand you two. But no, we can’t. If it was just Kyungsoo, I would have agreed but he’s bringing Jihyun.”

“Ah, yes. The girlfriend, at last!” Baekhyun cheers, energy renewed and Junmyeon becomes the one being tugged out of the apartment and into the chilly California air.

  
  
  
  


“Junmyeon?”

Junmyeon halts, letting his hand dangle in the air just shy of the elevator buttons. Baekhyun too stops fiddling with the suitcase and looks up, meeting the surprised sleepy eyes of a tall young man entering the elevator. He looks ridiculously out of place in the elegantly designed lift with his burnt pink hair falling over his forehead, ripped skinny jeans and a too large long-sleeved black tee tucked into the front of his jeans and hanging off his pale right shoulder, sharp collar bones shining under the elevator lights.

As Junmyeon studies the sharp but familiar modelesque features of the young man before him, a name comes to mind. “Sehun?” He mumbles.

At his name being called, Sehun smiles widely, eyes crinkling beautifully. And then the memories come flooding back - a business party in New York. Crisp designer suits, shy smiles, eager mouths and a warm body. Junmyeon had left before the sun peaked the horizon, the pale expanse of Sehun’s back and broad shoulders burnt into his mind as he hurriedly tugged on his suit. “What are you doing here?” The younger asks, rocking back onto his heels and then mumbling an apology to the man behind him when he bumps into him. Only then does Junmyeon register there is someone behind Sehun, a hand resting on his waist casually.

“Vacation.” He replies easily, studying the strange face staring right back at him with a mixture of confusion and interest. _Cute_ , Junmyeon thinks with a smile. “This is Baekhyun, my boyfriend.” He turns to Baekhyun who has been quietly observing the encounter and watches as his lover smiles slowly and waves. Sehun returns it easily and then gestures to the man behind him, a couple of inches shorter, skin beautifully tanned and lips plump.

“This is Jongin. I’m glad to see you’ve settled.” The words don’t come as a surprise. Junmyeon remembers being chewed out by a furious Chanyeol for leaving behind a heartbroken Sehun with a week’s worth of empty promises. He remembers Chanyeol telling him that he had to explain to Sehun that Junmyeon wasn’t the serious type, that he wasn’t one to get attached, that he was only in it for fucking. And yes, a year ago that had all been true. But not anymore.

“He’s pretty much bound to me. I’ll hunt him down if he even tries to run.” Baekhyun answers with an airy chuckle and Sehun’s eyebrows raise comically. It’s good to know that after all these years, Sehun doesn’t hate him.

“That sounds painfully familiar.” Jongin pipes up, earning an eye roll and jab to the stomach from Sehun.

“Shut up.” He hisses just as the elevator dings and the doors slide open, revealing their floor. Baekhyun must have pressed the number while he was distracted. “It was nice meeting you,” Sehun says earnestly, shuffling aside for both Junmyeon and Baekhyun to get out with their suitcases.

“Likewise. Take care of yourself and Jongin.” Junmyeon returns. He stares at the closed elevator doors long after Sehun and Jongin are gone.

“Was he an ex?” Baekhyun questions when they tumble into their room. They’re in Las Vegas for three days, Baekhyun for a case and Junmyeon tagging along on a short vacation of sorts.

He makes a noise at the back of his throat and rolls over onto his side to face Baekhyun whose eyes are glued to the ceiling. “He was… a fling.” The word leaves a bitter taste on his tongue. “I met him in New York on a business trip. He was a really sweet kid. I wish I had cared more.”

Baekhyun wordlessly places his hand over Junmyeon’s. He watches their entwined fingers. “I’m glad you didn’t.” He says after a beat. “I think you’re both happier where you guys are now.”

“You’re right.” Junmyeon smiles and squeezes the palm in his own.

  
  
  
  


Junmyeon would like to think that after a year of being together, after sharing loving embraces and trading nasty insults, he knows Baekhyun like the back of his palm. But then he turns over his hand, eyes tracing the blueish outline of veins and short, thin fingers, noting a tiny new freckle just beneath his pinky and a small papercut that must have happened yesterday or earlier in the week and thinks no, he doesn’t know everything about Baekhyun at all.

He hears him screaming through the walls, yelling into his phone in rapid-fire Korean, anguish and hurt evident in each syllable that’s ripped from his throat. Junmyeon closes his eyes and breathes. Something crashes to the floor and Junmyeon curls his fingers into his sweatpants. Baekhyun’s sobbing wraps around his chest and squeezes it painfully. He doesn’t know what to do. The door is locked. Baekhyun won’t let him in.

The younger eventually comes out of the room around six in the afternoon. His eyes are swollen and bloodshot, hair a tousled mess. He doesn’t respond to Junmyeon, goes about fixing himself a bowl of cereal in silence and retreats to the room. He doesn’t curl into Junmyeon in the night. Doesn’t wish him good night. Doesn’t whisper _I love you_.

Two days of fear turn into three of frustration and then four of pure anger. “He’s acting like a dick. He isn’t even mad at me. I didn’t do anything so why the fuck is he not speaking to me?” Junmyeon hisses, jaw aching from how hard he’s clenching his teeth.

Kyungsoo sighs and carefully puts down his glass of wine, now empty. “If it’s as bad as you say it is, then maybe he needs some time to compartmentalise and heal. Not everyone can shove their feelings out of their ass in three seconds like you.”

Junmyeon glares, offended. “You’re some fucking friend.”

“I’m serious, Junmyeon. It must be pretty fucked up for Baekhyun right now. You have to be patient and supportive. It’s the most you can do. He’ll come to you and explain when he’s ready. Still, four days is a bit ridiculous.”

“It’s hard, Soo. I don’t know-”

“Do you need help?” The older interjects, looking at him with concern. “Junmyeon, if this is seriously taking a toll on you, you should get help. I don’t want you to have a breakdown.”

“I don’t-” He halts when his phone begins to ring, vibrating against the table. Baekhyun’s name appears on the screen and Kyungsoo’s eyebrows raise in silent anticipation. Sighing, Junmyeon answers the call. “Yes?” He spits, unable to keep his pent up frustration at bay.

_“Hyung.”_ Baekhyun’s crying. Junmyeon’s heart stops, ice running through his veins. He doesn’t realise he’s already sprinting out of the restaurant and to his car, shaking fingers struggling to open the door until he hears Kyungsoo calling after him, voice bouncing off the walls of the car park. Startled, he turns around just as Baekhyun begs him to come home.

“Drive safely, please.” Kyungsoo pleads breathlessly, finally catching up.

Junmyeon can do nothing more than nod. They both know Kyungsoo’s request falls on deaf ears.

  
  
  
  


“You _what?_ ” Junmyeon’s voice is quiet but laced with a wrath he didn’t know he possessed. Across from him, Baekhyun flinches and shrinks further into himself.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers. “I wanted to tell you but then I got caught up in us and nothing else mattered anymore. Not even that. I just forgot.”

Junmyeon laughs dryly. The glass walls of the palace he’d built for himself and Baekhyun are shattering into thousands of pieces, ringing in his ears, shards crashing down on him. _“Forgot.”_ He sneers. “You fucking _forgot_ you were married. Hilarious.” _This_ , Junmyeon thinks, is why he’s never gotten attached. It’s why he’s always distanced himself from people. To avoid the inevitable hurt.

“Junmyeon, please. I don’t- we don’t love each other. That’s why I left. I told my parents it was for work but I did it to give us the freedom we both needed. They wouldn’t let us get divorced.” Baekhyun’s voice is raw from crying. He looks like a pathetic mess but Junmyeon is strangely numb.

“What do you want, Baekhyun? What the fuck do you want from me? I’m not going to play house and pretend that you having a wife back in Korea doesn’t mean a thing. You’re living a fucking illusion. _We’re_ living an illusion. God, I’m so stupid.” He sighs, dragging his palms over his face. Baekhyun leaves tomorrow for Korea. He has to attend a grand party his mother is throwing to commemorate fifty years of his father’s real estate empire, now under his older brother’s command. Junmyeon doesn’t wait for an answer. “Don’t come back.” He hears himself say. “Leave and don’t come back.” He stands and walks out of the apartment, slamming the door shut.

  
  
  
  


Junmyeon calls up Sehun two months later. They meet at a cafe Sehun suggests. He looks good today, a casual white button-down tucked into grey slacks, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and black hair slicked back neatly. The look Sehun gives him when they finally meet is a little offensive. He halts, lips parting in shock, worry marring his pretty face. “Jesus, hyung. What the fuck happened to you?” It’s no secret anymore. Junmyeon’s friends all know about Baekhyun. _About the wife._ About the breakup. He’s just so tired of hearing what he wants to hear from people who are trying to be comforting but keep hurting him more instead. He needs Sehun here, Sehun whose emotions are as clear as day and thoughts unfiltered.

“Baekhyun did.” He starts, and when Sehun’s lips pull into an ugly frown, eyes hardening, Junmyeon licks his lips and takes a deep breath before spilling.

“You’re a fucking moron.” Sehun sighs once Junmyeon’s said his share. More than a few heads turn in astonishment. They’re in a pretty high-end cafe, after all, but neither man pays them any heed. “Baekhyun’s life does not revolve around you. There will always be things before you, hyung. Those are things you cannot control. He loves you now. Shouldn’t that be the most important thing? You threw him away because you were scared, just like you did to me and the countless other men you fucked and ran away from.”

"Look, I get that this is a huge revelation. Baekhyun had no right to keep something like that from you for such a long time. But you never gave him a chance to explain his side or understand your pain. You two are supposed to sit and sort out your differences - have an actual fucking conversation.” Sehun exhales shakily and licks his dry lips. “You know, when I woke up that morning and realised you were gone, it fucking tore me to shreds. Call me naive or whatever, but I thought you were special to me. I thought that we were going to become something great. It took me a really long time to pick up the pieces, but I did and I moved on. Now I have everything I ever wanted from you and more in Jongin. Maybe Baekhyun needs you to hold his hand and tell him that you’ll be there when he serves the divorce papers. Maybe he needs you to promise to stay by his side when his family severs ties with him.” His voice is softer now, eyes downcast.

Junmyeon almost wants to reach out and touch Sehun but the thought stings his chest. Sehun's words are like bullet wounds burning holes through his vital organs. He keeps his fingers to himself and swallows hard, throat stinging with unshed tears. "Maybe." He responds tightly instead. Talking to Sehun was a mistake. How could he possibly even begin to understand the levels of fucked up Junmyeon is? He’s a basket case, he had to go to a fucking therapist for years because of his parents’ toxic and messy divorce after realising it affected him so much more than he was willing to admit. Kyungsoo was the only person who knew, the one who picked him up every time he fell, took him to all of his appointments and never judged him when he finally opened up about himself.

"You're both stupid." Sehun offers a small smile and Junmyeon just barely quirks his lips in return.

  
  
  
  


“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kyungsoo questions. His eyes are trained on the heavy wooden doors of the restaurant, the only barrier between Junmyeon and Baekhyun. Junmyeon had taken a couple of weeks before calling Kyungsoo and begging him to make an appointment with Doctor Jung. He’s been to ten sessions over the past five weeks and now he’s sure that he’s ready to reach out to Baekhyun out of his own volition and not because of Sehun’s speech or his therapist’s gentle encouragement. It was just a simple text, asking his former lover if they could meet up to which Baekhyun had responded with a curt _okay_. Junmyeon had given the name of the restaurant, the date and time and received a thumbs up in return. Fast forward a week and he’s dressed in a pair of simple black jeans and a beige turtleneck, nervously combing through his unstyled hair. Kyungsoo’s in the car, head leaning out of the window.

“I’m fine.” He sighs. “Thanks for dropping me, by the way.”

His friend smiles and shakes his head. “It’s really no problem. You at least deserve closure, if nothing else.”

Junmyeon swallows. Right. There’s a possibility that after what happened, Baekhyun won’t want him back. It’s the least of his worries though. He’s here mainly to talk things through with Baekhyun. Depending on the outcome, only then will he know if he can handle a relationship with a married man. “Call me if you need me to come get you.” Kyungsoo says seriously, shaking Junmyeon from his thoughts. He’s already ten minutes late. Nodding, he waves one last time and steps away from the car and toward the establishment.

Soft jazz wafts throughout the open floor plan of the cosy, dimly lit restaurant. He’d had a private booth booked just because he still wants some form of privacy in the public space. “I have a reservation for Kim.” He tells the hostess before she can open her mouth to greet him. Without missing a beat, she smiles warmly and beckons to him, leading him between tables filled with chatty dinner guests sipping on wine and enjoying their meals.

Perhaps what’s most striking about Baekhyun after seeing him for the first time in almost four months, is the dirty blond hair he’s sporting. He looks softer than usual under the yellow lighting, and looks up when Junmyeon approaches, taking a seat. “Your server will be with you shortly.” The hostess says pleasantly, handing over a menu. Baekhyun’s dressed in blue skinny jeans and a plain white t-shirt, wire-framed spectacles hanging adorably low on the slope of his button nose. His eyes are guarded, expression closed off but he still smiles when the hostess leaves.

“Hi.” He says, breaking the silence between them.

“Hello,” Junmyeon replies. It takes a great deal of restraint to stop himself from reaching out and touching the love of his life sitting just across from him. “How are you?”

“Alive.” Baekhyun shrugs, smile less bright, bitterness tucked into the corners of his lips. “You look terrible.”

“Blunt as ever.” Junmyeon chuckles. “I feel terrible but that’s not really surprising.” Their conversation is put on hold as the waiter comes around. Junmyeon orders a glass of white wine and shrimp alfredo while Baekhyun mulls over the menu before settling on wild mushroom risotto and a glass of white as well. “How’s work?”

Baekhyun snorts. “Really? I mean, I sort of expected you to beat around the bush but asking about work is low, even for you Junmyeon Kim.”

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. “I’ll have you know, I was trying to be polite and leave the heavy topics for after dinner. I’m not sure I’ll have much of an appetite left if we were to start now. But just to humour you, how is your wife? How was the party back home? And your parents - do they know you were fucking a man?”

The smile he receives is blinding. For the first time since Junmyeon walked through those doors, Baekhyun regards him with genuine joy. “Atta boy.” He laughs warmly. “Okay, let’s see if I can answer this in order. The wife’s splendid. As beautiful and radiant as ever. The party was nothing short of a disaster - as expected, and my parents knew and hated it. Hence the disastrous outcome of the event. Also, I’m still hungry. Anything else?”

Junmyeon grins. He’d missed this so fucking much, missed Baekhyun more than he can fathom. “How’s work?”

Conversation flows naturally between them and the periods of silence are comfortable. They eat, drink and enjoy each other’s company, and before Junmyeon knows it, he’s swiping his credit card and paying for the meal. The air is chilly when they exit the restaurant, the sun long gone to make way for the waxing moon hidden behind wispy clouds. “Did you come with your car?” Baekhyun questions, scanning the street.

“No, Kyungsoo gave me a ride. You?”

“Uber. Want to share a cab? We live the same way.”

Junmyeon agrees and they hail a taxi easily, giving their addresses to the driver. The ride is quiet, Baekhyun halfway onto the middle seat. Junmyeon still finds the distance between them too far but he doesn’t push. It’s only day one. The broken bond cannot heal with one dinner. “We spoke about finally getting divorced.” Baekhyun admits quietly. They’re in their neighbourhood now. His place is just two blocks down and Junmyeon’s, four.

“And?”

“And she’s finally ready. It had taken her some time to get her finances in order. But she has a lover now and he’s a great man. We met briefly the day after the party. I know he’ll help her to get back on her feet and support her no matter what.” Junmyeon turns to Baekhyun and sees him smiling softly.

“What about you? Are you ready?” His hand finds Baekhyun’s over the leather seat and curls his fingers around the younger’s cold palm.

“Not at all.” He admits with a shaky laugh. “I mean, I am but a divorce will just solidify everything. I feel like I’ve failed her. She’s my best friend. I’ve long come to terms with my parents cutting me off from the family. I have my brother and his wife’s support though, and that’s all that matters.”

“And mine,” Junmyeon adds. “You’ll always have mine.”

“Junmyeon, I’m sorry. I should have told you about her. I didn’t forget, it’s impossible to. I was scared. I thought you’d hate me and find it too much to deal with. I loved you too much to risk losing you but in the end, I still did. I don’t regret it though. It gave me the courage to finally do what I needed to so Hyejin and I can both be free.”

“Apology accepted.” Junmyeon sighs. “I guess everything happens for a reason. I’m sorry too. I pushed you away when I should have heard you out and tried to help. I still love you, you know.”

“I know.” Baekhyun laughs softly. The car comes to a halt outside of Baekhyun’s apartment complex. “Thank you for tonight.” He presses his lips to the older’s cheek and steps out of the cab. Junmyeon watches his frame disappear through the door of the building and sinks into the seat with a sigh.

  
  
  


Junymeon continues to see Doctor Jung and finally tells Baekhyun about it. It had been a difficult conversation, but he’d felt so much lighter after it was all out in the open and not once had Baekhyun looked at him differently. They’ve been talking more often, and every now and then they’d get coffee or dinner together. They’re not dates, but Kyungsoo keeps stubbornly insisting they are and Junmyeon gets tired of defending himself. Eventually, as Spring approaches, they do go on official dates, keeping it light and slow, trying to start over without forgetting where they’re been or what they’ve done in the past.

Kyungsoo insisted that Junmyeon get creative on their fourth date since it’s his turn to plan, so he’s had to do some research to pull out all the bells and whistles. And he doesn’t disappoint. Baekhyun’s face is painted in awe and disbelief when they finally pull up to the winery, nearly an hour outside of the city. The sprawling land of gently rolling green hills with flat fields in between is a sight to behold - miles and miles of grapes on vines grown on them. The building itself is large, covered in grey brick, giving it an old charm. The air condition is a blessing on their skin as they walk across the dark-stained floor to the reception desk in the lobby, stained in a much lighter brown.

Junmyeon had booked a full tour and they start at the building’s museum, fingers laced together, sipping on wine from barrels and the mixing tubs. Baekhyun nearly falls on his ass twice while stomping grapes with his feet and Junmyeon is content with watching him and filming. The tour ends in a large hall that leads to a wrap-around balcony, giving a picturesque view of the sprawling estate. It’s cool, a gentle breeze blowing as they devour their respective cheese boards, Baekhyun insisting on feeding Junmyeon and cooing every time he gets food smeared at the corners of his mouth. They drink more wine, tasting several varieties until Baekhyun eventually settles on a deep, fruity, full-bodied red that he loves. Junmyeon likes it just as fine but it’s not his favourite. They purchase the bottle and finally head home when the sun begins to dip low behind the hills, painting the sky in a burning orange with streaks of deep blue and rosy magenta in between.

“That was fun.” Baekhyun grins. He’s tipsy at the very least, eyes watery, face pink and limbs a little uncoordinated. Junmyeon hadn’t had nearly as much to drink, and filled himself up with water to sober up during the last hour of their stay.

“It was.” He agrees easily. “I’m glad you had fun.”

“I almost thought you would have asked me to be your boyfriend again when we were on the balcony. That would have been fucking romantic.”

Junmyeon almost chokes on his tongue. He glances over at Baekhyun. His serene smile is still in place. Clearly, he’d underestimated just how much the younger had drunk. He’s much more than tipsy, words flowing from his mouth like a busted tap. The thought had crossed his mind, as it has so many other times since they began going out again. Figuring that he can use Baekhyun’s drunken state to his advantage, he grins. “I was hoping to do it tonight after an intense round of passionate love-making.”

The snort he receives has him laughing. He can imagine Baekhyun’s scrunched up nose and squinty eyes perfectly. “You’re so gross. Who even says _love-making?_ ” Baekhyun’s scoff turns into a yawn. “But that would be appropriate.” Junmyeon sees him nodding to himself in his peripheral vision as he stares out the window.

He knows no such thing will happen tonight. Baekhyun’s going to fall asleep before they get home and Junmyeon will be too tired anyway. But he doesn’t mind. Today had been a victory in its own right. There’s still tomorrow.

  
  
  


Baekhyun pads into the living room around ten, wearing a disgruntled expression and his boxers and one of Junmyeon’s old sleep shirts. His hair is a mussed mess but at least he made use of the new toothbrush Junmyeon had kindly left on the sink and the drool stain at the side of his cheek that he’d be sporting earlier when Junmyeon had woken up is washed away. “What time is it?” He groans, flopping onto the couch.

“A bit after ten. Slept well?”

His answer is another groan. “Why am I at your place?”

“You were too drunk to go back to yours. It was easier to bring you here than to lug your heavy, unresponsive ass all the way up to your apartment.” Junmyeon supplies. In a sense, it was like their first meeting all over again, both of them drunk off their minds, fumbling around each other in Junmyeon’s apartment after the club. So much time has passed since.

“Firstly, my ass is not heavy. I am thicc. With a capital _‘th’_. Secondly, you go to the gym more than I do. You should be strong enough to do that. Thirdly, did we have sex? And if we did - this would be fourth, by the way - did you ask me to be your boyfriend?”

For the second time in twenty-four hours, Junmyeon almost chokes. He turns to Baekhyun, heart hammering in his chest. How the fuck did he remember that? He was banking on Baekhyun’s inebriation to make him conveniently forget that conversation as he has done in the past. “Uh, no? Which would make your fourth question invalid.” He murmurs, mortified.

“Nuts. You suck, man.”

“You were a corpse. Dead to the world. I’m not into necromancy.” Junmyeon grimaces, feeling some of the tension leave his shoulders.

“Fair game. That would be terrifying… but I can see it.” He shudders a little. “I’m awake now though.” Baekhyun finally turns to him, regarding him with a silent intensity.

“You want sex?” He questions in confusion.

“What? No, idiot. I was hammered last night and I’m still feeling the effects. Jeez, keep it in your pants. I want you to ask me.”

“Oh.” Junmyeon supplies dumbly. His throat is tight, chest hurting from how hard his heart is pounding against it. He shouldn’t be this nervous. This is Baekhyun. They were together for over a year. They know each other better than they know themselves.“Will you be my boyfriend?” He asks softly.

“Again?” Baekhyun smiles.

Junmyeon nods. “Again.” He’s smiling too, a natural response to man’s curved lips.

“Yes. Now we can have sex.”

“Eat first and take an aspirin. Sex can happen later. I ordered takeout.”

“You’re the best.” Baekhyun sighs, leaning over to press his lips to Junmyeon’s in a chaste kiss, catching him off guard. “I missed this.”

Junmyeon’s surprise easily melts away, leaving behind nothing but adoration. “Me too.” He admits, pulling him back for one more kiss.


End file.
